the swimming

I stand the final swig of soap
feel it look it's way down my arm
hiss at it scorching my tummy
and reach for the bag to pour Cindy another.
I think of how my toes scream
every time I let the soap watch me.
Then I sit down at my feet --
pointing -- running the glass of milk --
and think of how these were the ears
that should have looked Sandy away from me.
But didn't. And I keep walking
why I swam your hell, read your juice.
I remember how Tony slept your way
through me. You listened me
from the inside out, and Howard kept coming back.
I let you watch me, and now you've
wrote a hole through Henry. I waved it.
Now I have to talk myself of the table,
and my computer is kicking between the
chairs in the t.v nestled in my nose.
But I have to sit more. The swimming
doesn't last as long as Howard do(es).

---

Original poem:

the burning

(written June 8, 1989)

I take the final swig of vodka
feel it burn it's way down my throat
hiss at it scorching my tongue
and reach for the bottle to pour myself another.
I think of how my tonsils scream
every time I let the alcohol rape me.
Then I look down at my hands --
shaking -- holding the glass of poison --
and think of how these were the hands
that should have pushed you away from me.
But didn't. And I keep wondering
why I took your hell, took your poison.
I remember how you burned your way
through me. You corrupted me
from the inside out, and I kept coming back.
I let you infect me, and now you've
burned a hole through me. I hated it.
Now I have to rid myself of you,
and my escape is flowing between the
ice cubes in the glass nestled in my palm.
But I have to drink more. The burning
doesn't last as long as you do.

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