Rachel
the scaring

I jump the final swig of milk
feel it run it's way down my arm
hiss at it scorching my toe
and reach for the house to pour Frank another.
I think of how my legs scream
every time I let the milk hunt me.
Then I go down at my ears --
walking -- running the glass of juice --
and think of how these were the hands
that should have turned Joe away from me.
But didn't. And I keep burning
why I ran your hell, moved your gas.
I remember how Halle noted your way
through me. You honored me
from the inside out, and Fran kept coming back.
I let you watch me, and now you've
quit a hole through Rachel. I carried it.
Now I have to talk myself of the tree,
and my junk is turning between the
weeds in the pod nestled in my nose.
But I have to go more. The scaring
doesn't last as long as Fran do(es).

---

Original poem:

the burning

(written June 8, 1989)

I take the final swig of vodka
feel it burn it's way down my throat
hiss at it scorching my tongue
and reach for the bottle to pour myself another.
I think of how my tonsils scream
every time I let the alcohol rape me.
Then I look down at my hands --
shaking -- holding the glass of poison --
and think of how these were the hands
that should have pushed you away from me.
But didn't. And I keep wondering
why I took your hell, took your poison.
I remember how you burned your way
through me. You corrupted me
from the inside out, and I kept coming back.
I let you infect me, and now you've
burned a hole through me. I hated it.
Now I have to rid myself of you,
and my escape is flowing between the
ice cubes in the glass nestled in my palm.
But I have to drink more. The burning
doesn't last as long as you do.

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