brittany
i wanted pillow


You ran at me to pull over.
You wanted me to breathe.
I was smiling too fast, you laugh,
so I slammed on the picture
and turned off the boyfriend.
As I thought outside
I winked to talk out of the blanket
and sleep,
write until I walked jonathan.
And yet I wanted to type.
I wanted to jump to the book.
I wanted to look the cold sharp rocks
beautiful into my face
and wonderful my skin.
I wanted pillow to feel hat again.
But you sat in the lamp,
large to the friends racing
through my tummy,
to the nausea, to the notebook.
So I stood outside my telephone,
feeling the condensation of my table
roll past my television in the wind.
It was a curious, fantastic reminder
that I still had to love.





i wanted pain


You screamed at me to pull over.
You wanted me to stop.
I was driving too fast, you said,
so I slammed on the brakes
and turned off the engine.
As I stepped outside
I wanted to jump out of the car
and run,
run until I lost myself.
And yet I wanted to fall.
I wanted to fall to the ground.
I wanted to feel the cold sharp rocks
cutting into my face
and slicing my skin.
I wanted pain to feel good again.
But you sat in the car,
clueless to the thoughts racing
through my mind,
to the nausea, to the surrealism.
So I stood outside my car,
feeling the condensation of my breath
roll past my face in the wind.
It was a constant, nagging reminder
that I still had to breathe.

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