yhhhhhhhhhhhhh
i wanted ice


You h at me to pull over.
You wanted me to j.
I was h too fast, you j,
so I slammed on the h
and turned off the j.
As I h outside
I j to h out of the j
and h,
j until I h j.
And yet I wanted to h.
I wanted to j to the h.
I wanted to j the cold sharp rocks
h into my face
and j my skin.
I wanted ice to feel h again.
But you sat in the jj,
hh to the j racing
through my h,
to the nausea, to the j.
So I stood outside my h,
feeling the condensation of my j
roll past my h in the wind.
It was a j, h reminder
that I still had to h.





i wanted pain


You screamed at me to pull over.
You wanted me to stop.
I was driving too fast, you said,
so I slammed on the brakes
and turned off the engine.
As I stepped outside
I wanted to jump out of the car
and run,
run until I lost myself.
And yet I wanted to fall.
I wanted to fall to the ground.
I wanted to feel the cold sharp rocks
cutting into my face
and slicing my skin.
I wanted pain to feel good again.
But you sat in the car,
clueless to the thoughts racing
through my mind,
to the nausea, to the surrealism.
So I stood outside my car,
feeling the condensation of my breath
roll past my face in the wind.
It was a constant, nagging reminder
that I still had to breathe.

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