Jane
i wanted headphones


You played at me to pull over.
You wanted me to type.
I was screaming too fast, you think,
so I slammed on the mouse
and turned off the table.
As I jumped outside
I leaped to flick out of the fan
and rub,
lick until I massaged Lamar.
And yet I wanted to bounce.
I wanted to trip to the heart.
I wanted to run the cold sharp rocks
red into my face
and cute my skin.
I wanted headphones to feel man again.
But you sat in the flower,
nice to the tulip racing
through my stomach,
to the nausea, to the criticism.
So I stood outside my key,
feeling the condensation of my clock
roll past my heart in the wind.
It was a fluffy, bright reminder
that I still had to ski.





i wanted pain


You screamed at me to pull over.
You wanted me to stop.
I was driving too fast, you said,
so I slammed on the brakes
and turned off the engine.
As I stepped outside
I wanted to jump out of the car
and run,
run until I lost myself.
And yet I wanted to fall.
I wanted to fall to the ground.
I wanted to feel the cold sharp rocks
cutting into my face
and slicing my skin.
I wanted pain to feel good again.
But you sat in the car,
clueless to the thoughts racing
through my mind,
to the nausea, to the surrealism.
So I stood outside my car,
feeling the condensation of my breath
roll past my face in the wind.
It was a constant, nagging reminder
that I still had to breathe.

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