Nicole
i wanted London


You going at me to pull over.
You wanted me to jump.
I was loving too fast, you lift,
so I slammed on the dad
and turned off the park.
As I danced outside
I walked to leave out of the party
and laugh,
eat until I jumped friend.
And yet I wanted to chug.
I wanted to move to the car.
I wanted to jump the cold sharp rocks
movable into my face
and loud my skin.
I wanted London to feel aunt again.
But you sat in the dog,
fluffy to the trucks racing
through my wrist,
to the nausea, to the mechinisim.
So I stood outside my cat,
feeling the condensation of my Iraq
roll past my bathroom in the wind.
It was a hard, weird reminder
that I still had to leave.





i wanted pain


You screamed at me to pull over.
You wanted me to stop.
I was driving too fast, you said,
so I slammed on the brakes
and turned off the engine.
As I stepped outside
I wanted to jump out of the car
and run,
run until I lost myself.
And yet I wanted to fall.
I wanted to fall to the ground.
I wanted to feel the cold sharp rocks
cutting into my face
and slicing my skin.
I wanted pain to feel good again.
But you sat in the car,
clueless to the thoughts racing
through my mind,
to the nausea, to the surrealism.
So I stood outside my car,
feeling the condensation of my breath
roll past my face in the wind.
It was a constant, nagging reminder
that I still had to breathe.

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